some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
