what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
