I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
