He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
