Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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