after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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