My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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