Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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