think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize