Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
