Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
