I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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