SEEEEXXX PLEASE
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
