So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
