We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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