why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
