i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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