u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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