I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
