True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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