So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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