Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
