it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
