He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
