worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can I color on your dick again?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
