Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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