I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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