Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize