i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
