belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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