is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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