im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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