if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
