VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
