I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
