when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
