There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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