It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
