he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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