What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
