No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
