i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
