why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
