Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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