Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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