woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
