you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
