He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
