i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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