dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
