Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
