some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize