Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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