She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
