That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
