i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
