We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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