You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
