So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
