I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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