Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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