the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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