I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize