so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
