Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize