i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
