I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
