I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
