I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
