God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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